i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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