i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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