woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
