who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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