Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
