it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
