I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
