I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She bit a glass in half.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
