I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
