I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
