i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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