Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
