you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
