1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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