That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
