dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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