You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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