My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
