Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
