First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
