trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's the barista slut.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
