I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
