Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
