: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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