My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize