Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
