I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
