I met the friendliest cop last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
