Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
