i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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