I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
