Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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