I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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