end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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