Plan B is the new Plan A
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
