She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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