He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
