it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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