Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
