I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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