Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
