Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
