This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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