Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
