I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
