bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
