Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
