just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
