We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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