ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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