my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
