Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
