I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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