so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
