I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
