because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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