if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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