Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
