we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize