i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
