ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Enjoy the penises
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
