You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
