the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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